Falling On

It is sometimes so very hard to live on this planet.

I feel I came here to be an agent of relief, helping others through their suffering. Angel? Maybe. Helper at the very least. However, before you can help someone on a deep level, you have to understand them. To truly understand pain and suffering, you have to experience it. I have.

I've been humiliated, cried, lost, fell, failed, been lied to, cheated, slapped, punched, kicked, subjugated, hurt, torn, broken, disrespected, hungry, thirsty, angry, abused, depressed, and lost. When I reach out to others I rarely say "I know what you are going through" nor do I often say "I know how that feels". Even though I most certainly do.

It can be extremely difficult to touch some one's pain without letting yourself be overwhelmed by those pains all over again. You have to feel them to show empathy, but how much you embrace is a line you must draw to stay on the strong side of emotions. Some people believe that counselors, and therapists draw that line dark & thick and always see it very clearly. I believe the line by its nature is light & fluid and can be crossed in a heartbeat. It is not a switch you can simply turn off. When the helping is all done, you take the pain with you. You process it as work, duty, or sacrifice to help others but sometimes it stays with you.

It's that one sad song you just cant stop playing, that sad movie that brings tears to your eyes every time, or that memory that rips you apart every time no matter how many times you say you have worked through it. These are the keys to your deepest pain, to the place where you truly understand what it means to hurt.

Sometimes we stay there too long. It comes a time when you need a shoulder to cry on. You feel like no one can help you because you have the world on your shoulders, and you must be strong enough to overcome your trials alone. It is during these times when it seems like living on this planet is a mistake, inside you are screaming in emotional agony. Now is when you must keep it all in perspective, after all there is no pain in the world that others have not suffered through before. Reach out.

Find your release. Write to your heart's content about what you are going through knowing that there is an opening at the other end. Listen to music that frees your soul from those painful memories. Turn to that special someone who knows how to ease your troubled mind. Cry if you must, but let it be a cleansing cry to shed some of the pain, not a cry that drags you down. If you were called to this place to help others, do it with compassion and sincerity. Just never let the emotions get the best of you.

Stay true to your mission and embrace the other wondrous feelings that surround you. Continue to bring joy, laughter, happiness, smiles, love, caring, comfort, support, positivity, and light to everyone you encounter. You will find it returned to you in amounts you cannot contain!

CJ

How I Enjoy Life

Warning! The following post is being made as a stream of consciousness moment:

How I Enjoy Life
by Hopegiver

I think it starts with deep core values which have become ingrained in my soul.

1) Always have a smile & have a kind word for others
2) Never just be a sheep.
3) Never let them back you into a corner.
& 4) Have Fun!

1)In my brief 40 years on this planet, I have learned that laughter is truly the best medicine. When I smile and insist on a positive outlook, my days seem to always go better. When I am having a bad day, moment, or episode, I embrace it. I may not like it but I don't hide it. By feeling it and working through it, I can get on with it faster and back to myself. When I have a kind word for others (or just a smile) I know that I am making this world a more enjoyable place to be for someone else. This also re-energizes me and makes me smile.

2)I have followed others for too much of my life and have rarely enjoyed the outcome. So I try to remember that there is some truth in having "Master of my own fate" thinking. Whenever there is an 'expected' reaction, I often explore options to that. This keeps my thinking vibrant and helps me get through those moments where it seems like time to give up, run away, or get angry. From time to time when someone expects a certain reaction from me, I switch gears and investigate others responses not only to make life more interesting but also to stay true to myself. I try to be in a place where what others think of me in terms of how I live my life is secondary to my own feelings. As it should be.

3.)I make decisions everyday without thinking too hard, but at my center I am indeed probably thinking way too much. Like most of us I want to be in charge(even if I can't be, I WANT to be). If someone else is pushing, I began to believe I don't HAVE to push back, it is a decision to be made. If I don't push back I can find alternatives and steer clear of major problems. I suppose I really like what Louisiana Blues great Lazy Lester said back in the 1950s, "I'm a lover not a fighter." However, if I do decide to push back it will be because I have identified a path of resistance that I want to take like in a good argument. I hate to be reactionary, I much rather prefer to roll with it interactively or be proactive. Living a reactionary life is how you end up in a dark alley with no clue how you got there.

4)Who doesn't like to have fun? What I like to do is find what stimulates me and engage. Writing, Reading, Games, Chatting with Friends & Listening to Music! I am certainly aware of the consequences of over indulgence, afterall who I am today is the price I paid to get what I used to want. But we only go around once (that we are aware of - even the re-incarnationists usually agree that we are unaware of previous journeys), so why not enjoy it?

Through patience and understanding I have arrived at a place in my life where I can be in two or three moments at once and adjust my being to which one I prefer, or two at a time, or all at once. There is no real way to explain that, it just deep philosophical stuff here. Some people refer to it as being able to turn off a switch, moving from one emotion to the next. I much rather prefer the analogy of a train-yard. There are many tracks and you are usually only going one way, but there is beauty in the realization that you can back that engine up, uncouple the weight and reload as many times as you wish at least until the fuel runs out. Then of course you just need to grab a Dr. Pepper and blow the horn because it is time to roll on again, ALL ABOARD!!!

CJ

What Job?

Okay, the job with the county didn't work out. Without going into details, let's just say that it was a bad fit. Luckily the United States government came to my rescue. I am now working for the US Census Bureau as an Enumerator. I am walking the blocks of my neighborhood to follow up on those addresses that did not respond to the census questionnaire.

Since I am a people person, I am enjoying this job alot. I get to meet & talk to a lot of interesting people and collect important data at the same time. Yes it is hot out there, and yes there are a quirky few folks out there as well, but for the most part I like the assignment.

Hopefully the next update will be another vlog (video log for all you less tech savvy visitors) entry. I really enjoyed doing that last time.

Come back and see me,
CJ